Having to face a stark reality, in saying a fond farewell to my mother. My guess is nothing quite prepares us to having to let go of our mothers. We enter this world directly connected to our mother via the umbilical cord and when we leave it we make a solitary journey into the unknown, exchanging time for eternity. And it is what is in between that we call life. Life of course leads to death, the two are intrinsically bound together. Often in counselling situations, I have been given to say that when we grieve our parents we grieve for ourselves; as we are next. Perhaps, I now understand a little more?
I tried to capture an insight into my mothers life as best I could to be delivered at her funeral.
The Eulogy:
Elsie was born into a happy household, though in war-torn Europe, her father away on active service. Though proud parents Jack and Elsie having their third child and now a girl. She soon found that to survive with two elder brothers she had to be more a tomboy and that she did. It was this robustness that formed her for the rest of her life. An independent spirit, adventurous, ambitious and very amiable. She was born during the war, to be precise during the Blitz on Liverpool. Her mother said she was the biggest bomb that landed on Liverpool! A time for war and a time for peace.
It was an encounter with a friend of the family, referring to Elsie as Little Gwenie, and the title stuck: hence the Gwen we have all known and loved. She was born and bred in Liverpool: need we say more! Yes, a very proud scouser, from no finer city. Her schooling was at the Harrison Jones School, school which was split into 3 departments; infants, Boys and girls, offering metalwork for the boys and sewing and cookery for the girls and it must have been a good school for Gwen to develop her skills : for her mother could just about sew a button on a shirt and favoured Gwen’s cooking over her own. Gwen loved her school days, though leaving with no formal qualifications. Though in later life she took an O’level in English at the Hugh Baird College and proudly gained a higher grade than her son in the same exam.
In growing up she had two favourite aunts, Doreen her mother’s sister, and Kathleen her father’s sister and not surprising that their having daughters, namely Pat and Jean that Gwen found a sisterhood. Both these friendships were very important to her in later life separated by ‘The Pond’ – Kathleen having left for pastures new with her family to Canada and Pat bravely took herself off to the Big Apple: New York. The distance wasn’t an object to maintain those close lifelong bonds. Visits across the Atlantic saw Gwen herself solo sailing on the Queen Mary into New York. And indeed the family is grateful that Jean has returned to stay with Gwen over these past weeks, Pat being unable to travel, was very much in touch.
Gwen’s mother Elsie had started her working life in Service and in later life, her husband Jack having finished wartime active service as a Regimental Sergeant Major working as a civilian he had fallen off a roof resulting in some compensation; which saw them join the Corner Shop Brigade, running a Green Grocers on West Derby Road, with her father being one of the first in the area owning a car.
Gwen’s life took a momentous turn with an encounter with a dashing young man called Ernie, it was love at first sight, literally her eyes were taken by an Elvis Presley look-alike and a cinema date ensued. They were soon to be married when she was sweet seventeen – a determined young lady who knew her own mind. Together they formed a love that was tested and forged all the harder; an inseparable bond of 52 years only to be broken in death and now reunited. Ernie was a furniture remover and Gwen a clerk at Littlewoods Pools at the time. With a son soon on the way, they went to live above the shop with Gwen’s parents, whilst they set about purchasing their own home at Walker St in Everton. Ernie soon put his practical skills to work making window frames and renovating the house. All four of their boys, Chris (then known as young Ernie) Terry, David and John, were born whilst they were resident there. Gwen soon got used to the impulses of Ernie, who having just finished dinner, would be given to tearing down a wall in the house, to build and create a through space. In fact, her own upbringing was a pre-requisite for later life in an all-male household. She loved children and indeed would have willingly gone on the have more children; except Ernie returned home one day with news of a snip! There is a time to be silent and a time to speak!
Having children, Gwen always wanted to ensure that her boys never went without anything, she managed to continue her working career throughout her life. Ernie, went into partnership setting up a furniture-removing business, whilst he grafted she did all the paperwork. But, it was not an uncommon sight to see Gwen driving big vans, the steering wheel of which she could barely see over; so she sat on cushions!
Soon after the boys were settled at school, Gwen returned to the workplace, as a packer at Sayers Bakery. She then secured a job looking after the elderly as a ‘Home Help’, she always went above and beyond for those in her care. She had a brief respite from care work and returned to factory work, which suited the pattern of life at home. However, after yet another of their house moves, a new residential home for the elderly was opened nearby. Gwen followed her all too obvious vocation, of looking after the elderly and frail. She became wholeheartedly involved in this new project, and Ernie too found employment alongside her. In fact the whole family was on board, laying out the gardens, Ernie decorating and using his practical skills.
Gwen never regretted just having boys, she was given to saying boys are more loving. Gwen and Ernie, were extremely proud of their sons, each and every one of them totally different, but possessing the same drive and work ethic as their parents. They gave their boys their own space in which to flourish, but were always there with their wisdom and support, enabling their sons to achieve what they each in turn wanted.
We noted earlier that Gwen was a tomboy, tom boys, love to go camping, boating and even climbing; she did! She knew how to survive in a man’s world, it all gave her the tough resilience for whatever life was to throw at her. ‘She is a strong lady’ was on the lips of so many who encountered her. ‘Good things come in little packages’ her own mother was given to say. Her boys loved her deeply and respected their parents, Gwen however was the soft touch! But, they were proud too, that none of their boys ever, to quote: ‘Brought trouble to the door!’ There was always plenty of action in a male household, but Gwen too managed still to find time and space for: me time, she was an avid reader and devoured books.
Gwen and Ernie too despite having a family at a young age, forged out some time for themselves, always each complimenting the other in so many ways, they were fine dancers, Ernie was often given to lifting her off her feet.
We so often say that women are multi-taskers, none more so, than Gwen, she could run you up a woolen jumper before you had a chance to give her your precise measurements. She was highly skilled in sewing, knitting, and crocheting. She was also good at decorating and in fact many skills which men would shy clear of she just got on with. You don’t earn the title Chainsaw Granny for nothing - then in her 80’s!
Family fortunes changed somewhat, when it was clear, Ernie and Gwen realised they worked best as a team; at this point, the entrepreneurial spirit of her parents came to the fore. They owned a succession of shops and market stalls, which saw a change in their prosperity.
At one point, with her two elder boys, Chris & Terry having flown the nest, Gwen and Ernie felt they had more to offer and sought to foster some children, they had a succession of children through their doors, offering a time to heal. I note some of those children are here today.
It was in latter years that Ernie and Gwen found a passion to search and explore, they bought in turn a succession, of boats. Affiliated themselves to a boat club, where they were both fully involved in all that happened there & whilst otherwise sailing the length and breadth on the country on its canals. Though this was mainly Ernie’s passion, Gwen as you can imagine wasn’t shy of the helm with 60 feet of boat in front of her. They were given to going off sailing for weeks on end solely in each-others company – whatever the season.
After Ernie died, a time to mourn, she had ensured that all of her care skills were utilised in looking after Ernie, who had also died at home. She continued to consolidate their home; the longest in which they had lived, but then remarkably, aged nearly 80, time to uproot, she decided it was time to keep memories and time to throw away ‘Ernie’s junk’ in moving to a new home, nearer members of the family.
One of Gwen’s passions we have already mentioned; that of knitting, she had joined various knotting groups over the years, I know some of you will be here too. She enjoyed the companionship and the mutual sharing and a time to laugh.
Never phased by change and technology, with prowess of typing skills too, of course she had an Apple computer, iphone, regularly WhatsApping members of the family. A new iphone comes out and she happily figures out how to Bluetooth her old phone into the new.
One thing that never ceased to amaze Gwen’s boys, was her ability to seemingly search out people in need, was it that soft touch again? And, or certainly, it was her capacity to embrace people, she was charitable with both resources and time.
And, of course, our little Gwenie, loved animals ever since she was a child. The family had always had dogs of all shapes and sizes. Sheba & Ben – two Rotweilers were the gentlest of creatures in Gwen’s hands. When Gwen had to come to terms with the loss of Ernie, her other partner moved in; Charlie. Charlie, was to become her focus and constant companion. She adored Charlie and once again, history repeats itself, she now fosters another dog, offering Woodie a chance at a better life. There was a time to weep, when she could no longer retain Woodie; who had been a rescue dog. Gwen was extremely generous in her capacity and love of animals.
Gwen had had to embrace much suffering through life, at a tender age of 45 she underwent a triple bypass operation, she wasn’t expected to live. In fact recently whilst she was in hospital she was overheard telling the nurses, that she wasn’t afraid to die! I’ve died before she continued. And she recalled the account she had previously told, of having seen herself on the operating table, looking down on herself from above, whilst the doctors and nurses scrambled round the operating table, having lost her! The hospital were fortunate enough to have on site a surgeon who had been trained in South Africa! (Not that guy though!!) But, She’ll be looking down on us now for sure! She obviously recovered from the operation. Only to undergo many more surgery’s even, bravely to be operated on in France as arranged by her eldest son. She was no stranger to a surgeon's knife. Always fighting off everything that assailed her; she was a strong woman! Then came a time to refrain from embracing.
She had been ill for some time of late, but continued in her indomitable style, as best continuing as normal. In discussion with her physician at Clatterbridge there, were no more solutions her beloved NHS could offer her. She enjoyed her days in Clatterbridge, repeatedly saying, ‘ It’s no hardship being in here! ’ The nurses loved her and admired her. However, faced with a hard reality, she gave herself another option. She simply asked to return home, to be in the home, she had just about finished and to be with Charlie her 24/7 companion. She also hoped to make use of her new sewing room : so much admired by visitors.
Gwen returned home, with her sons in attendance 24/07, she graciously received no end of visitors, the bungalow was filled with flowers cards, love and laughter. She continued as best she could right to the end to maintain that independence she had always had. During the time she was ill she was visited by all of the grandchildren and great-grandchildren and a great many of the family, together with friends and neighbours.
Gwen whilst in hospital received news, of yet two more great grandchildren to be born in these next months. She was actively knitting for them in her last days.
There is a time to be born and a time to die.
Gwen gave up her Spirit exchanging time for eternity on the first of October, the day following her own mother’s anniversary and not long after her husband Ernie’s 12th. She died in the sure and certain hope of being reunited with them both, together with her deeply loved son David once again all united in Love – the love that does not come to an end. And whilst she may have disappeared from our sight, we will continue to know her love for love endures whatever comes, even death.
